i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We're too hungover to prance.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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