remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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