I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
we're so committed to being not committed
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
