i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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