best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
