i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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