I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
