Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
