Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize