Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
