I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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