I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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