my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
