So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
