did you get engaged???
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
