So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
