the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
