I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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