I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
