i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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