if i can run in heels then i can drive
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
She told me I should be a condom model.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
