just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
