Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I don't deserve a penis
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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