he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Randomize
