New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
