and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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