you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
