i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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