And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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