so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
