No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
