You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
