Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Randomize
