letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize