I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
