either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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