i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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