i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
It's shark week go big or go home
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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