billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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