every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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