I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
