My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
