me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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