So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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