Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize