$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
