I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
