Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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