He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
