I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize