I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
