He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
