Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
