You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
