i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
only you would photoshop your dick
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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