hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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