OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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