I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize