I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
