Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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