There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
