there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
