You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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