There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
