my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
oh god the rape fog is back!
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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