What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize