So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
