ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
