Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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