There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
