Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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