i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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