That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
