How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize