first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
